Old Patterning and Fasting
Woke up to the image of a space craft...and "mother ship."
Recently I saw that I was projecting "lines" with a couple of men. I was projecting a pattern of conditioning from childhood. Back (looping backward again) to a time when I was riding my bike and feeling lonely...thinking I needed...longing for...a boyfriend. That was so much of my life. I was brainwashed...we are all brainwashed in desire for externals. I realized I project the same "lines" with food. Both men and food have been used to fill an empty space within. I seem to "grok" this at deeper and deeper levels or it groks me at deeper and deeper levels. As if some nerve or wire is drilling to the root/source that holds both past and present.
Some women at work are on a nutrition plan and I thought I'd try the cleanse drink. It was very sweet. The second day it threw my systems into a tail spin. Today I got a grip on things and fasted. It was easy. It slowed me down and I spent the day in the garden, reading under a cottonwood tree and following otter trails in the underbrush along the river. My body wanted to cross the small creek. I felt something pull me forward and I went with it. Later walking back home I realized I left yet another remnant of an old pattern in that water. Water is such a healing force.
Past patterns come to point as I grieve that missing father and men who have wanted sex rather than friendship. I turn to nature and my spirit world for healing the tangled wires. A place and space that is comforting. Seems we should have a conscious relationship with nature before we think about boyfriends/girlfriends. Seems we'd have to by-pass the sexual territory and experience sensual spirituality at another level of body. Seems we would have to be guided by parents who are conscious. And I can hear some exclaim: "By-pass sex...unheard of! You are hearing it now.
The twinges under my right eye continue and I'm starting to think it has to do with repatterning of wires/nerves. This body has had other strange conditions and they all passed...so maybe this one will too.
Recently I saw that I was projecting "lines" with a couple of men. I was projecting a pattern of conditioning from childhood. Back (looping backward again) to a time when I was riding my bike and feeling lonely...thinking I needed...longing for...a boyfriend. That was so much of my life. I was brainwashed...we are all brainwashed in desire for externals. I realized I project the same "lines" with food. Both men and food have been used to fill an empty space within. I seem to "grok" this at deeper and deeper levels or it groks me at deeper and deeper levels. As if some nerve or wire is drilling to the root/source that holds both past and present.
Some women at work are on a nutrition plan and I thought I'd try the cleanse drink. It was very sweet. The second day it threw my systems into a tail spin. Today I got a grip on things and fasted. It was easy. It slowed me down and I spent the day in the garden, reading under a cottonwood tree and following otter trails in the underbrush along the river. My body wanted to cross the small creek. I felt something pull me forward and I went with it. Later walking back home I realized I left yet another remnant of an old pattern in that water. Water is such a healing force.
Past patterns come to point as I grieve that missing father and men who have wanted sex rather than friendship. I turn to nature and my spirit world for healing the tangled wires. A place and space that is comforting. Seems we should have a conscious relationship with nature before we think about boyfriends/girlfriends. Seems we'd have to by-pass the sexual territory and experience sensual spirituality at another level of body. Seems we would have to be guided by parents who are conscious. And I can hear some exclaim: "By-pass sex...unheard of! You are hearing it now.
The twinges under my right eye continue and I'm starting to think it has to do with repatterning of wires/nerves. This body has had other strange conditions and they all passed...so maybe this one will too.
posted by Community Threads @ 8:09 PM
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