Dragonfly, Owl and a Man

I was at 300 Mile Mountain Park greeted by tall pink fireweed and a swarm -- 30+ -- of dragonflys. I never knew dragonflys lived on top of forested hill tops. They kept flying around an open area.

I walked a trail into the forests and thought about owl. How fun to see owl. Then I heard him off in the distance. I wanted to go there. I was standing still listening and my body turns and a man is walking toward me. I felt very vulnerable and untrusting. I couldn't read his intent. All I could do was watch him walk toward me -- closer and closer -- and watch him walk by me. I was looking directly at him the entire time. It was a cold feeling of the unknown. In a flash I was thinking about other women who were assaulted in the woods. When he was past me several feet I mentioned owl...why would I speak to him? He asked me if I had a house in the area...I said I was visiting a friend and pointed up the hill. I do not feel safe in the woods alone because of men.

I woke up this morning remembering a circumstance from my teenage years. I was in my bedroom that had high windows on two sides. One night one of the men (not sure which one as there were cousins and hired help working for dad, maybe it was dad) was outside the window and made that whistle sound that says you are "hot". I felt very uncomfortable and didn't know then how to articulate that feeling. Now I will. I felt like an object...like an animal in a zoo as someone communicates at me and not with me. It made me feel unsafe. My distrust of men was imprinted deeper. I know women who treat people as objects as well. It's a sick pattern.