Reweaving of Shame

What is going on? What is all this intensity? Is the planet moving through some dark vortex that is putting pressure on the individual and the collective body? Why does the price of concert/dance tickets and the time create such a fuss at a committee meeting? At one point I asked one woman who was complaining if she wanted to be dismissed from the committee. The meeting felt like a battle. So strange for five of us who are on the same “team” to be so divisive.

Working in community can be messy and I see that I’ve developed protective armor. All my life I’ve been sensitive to those in my environment and have not wanted to make waves. That has changed over the years. I no longer hide in my shell and I will stand up to anyone when I need to. I am not mean spirited, however. At least I don’t feel that I am. Others do come across that way—coming from ego and making themselves look large rather than coming from heart of kindness/gentleness. Two opposite vibrations.

I watched how I handled the turmoil and what even felt like aggression at times. I did not crawl into a shell but resided in a place of thought beyond thought and feeling beyond feeling. It must be a vibratory space at my center core. I never crashed into feeling bad about myself and continue to hold my head up high.

As I was brushing my teeth this morning these gentle words rose up into consciousness, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Bingo! What a key those words are. As a child I was different in my learning style, slower and I’d get that look or tone of voice of parental disapproval. I felt shame at a very young age. At my age, here and now, it brings up emotional waves and tears. At my age I continue to heal childhood brain/body patterns!

I am still bouncing off walls around food issues. I even out and then fall back into old patterns that now give me hives on my neck. It’s quite a test in finding equilibrium and maintaining it. Had acupuncture last week and will go again tomorrow if I'm not snowed in. They put needles down both sides of my spine and in both ears. Acupuncture is like a very deep breath for my whole being. I love it!

Chinese medicine says cooked foods are easier to digest. So what about the raw food craze? Can I listen to my body and trust what it tells me to eat. Sometimes yes…other times no. I see that my food issues are rooted in shame and I am wrapping around those roots in self-love via spiritual consciousness that resides at my core. I am more than my body, my mind, my emotions. I am Spirit -- that sweet stable source of Truth and Love.

Had an intense dream about someone I care about. I was with him and felt his body. Very nourishing and real in some reality. Wires that crossed are uncrossing. Wires uncrossed are crossing. A major re-weaving in our Brilliant and Beloved Universe. I observe without attachment…from Eye of Center.