One Whole Support System

I was answering questions from my nutritional team at Bastyr Clinic and talking about emotional issues. At one point I felt emotional waves rising up through my body producing mild tears. The wave rose and moved a second time. I mentioned it in both moments. I noticed that neither my acupuncture team nor my Chinese medicine team responded to this reference as if they didn’t know how to integrate emotions into their healing modality.

How old is Chinese medicine? 5000 years? This makes me wonder if feminine emotions have ever been integrated in dense matter of planet Earth. I had thought perhaps our DNA and brain had been manipulated and tampered with by outside forces but perhaps the human species has never evolved emotionally. Could it be that we are doing this work for the first time and in so doing we change the course of life throughout the whole universe? And yet Earth is much older than 5000 years…so what is the truth around emotional intelligence/expression/wellness/balance?

Years ago I had a couple sessions with an Aware Eating coach. It was very intense as I got in touch with emotional waves of rage I felt toward my dad. I learned to take this rage out on pillows and to scream. Now I notice that emotional waves rising up do not carry that rage and in fact I mentioned my mom and dad with love and forgiveness to my team yesterday. I think this love is what triggered the emotion yesterday.

The other day I was resting and felt a new sensation in my body. I felt a “shelf” of support in my upper body in support of my new relationship with food. It was support that gave me a “brace” to hold myself upright instead of collapsing into old patterns. It was new “muscle” and now new “memory.” The image that now comes through is a NE/SW line. A brace to help with balance and equilibrium!

My car and now my house smells like an herb store supporting the “brace” pattern. However, I’m also aware that my body may not respond well to the herbs. I will make the concoction tomorrow as today I’m taking a permaculture class – in the snow. The class is taught by someone I knew from WAS years ago and after many years I am now reconnecting.

The last time I took a class in the snow was on a New Year’s day making a bow (as in bow and arrow) with a man from Australia. It was the time I was involved in the bizarre relationship with Tracker who was relating to me/stalking that day from a tree top in the backyard. How do I know? I felt his presence vibrationally and the birds and the man’s dog alluded to someone being in the tree. At one point the teacher commented aloud about someone being in the tree. I protected Tracker at that time…I enabled him thinking that our relationship was evolving and that at some point he would relate to me face to face. I was giving him time. That time ran out and I changed. He has not changed and continues to stalk and harrass me.

I have more to say about Tracker today. It must be part of my emotional healing. It’s risky telling these stories because they are so bizarre. However, I stand up and speak out like women in Libya who have been under the thumb of a dictator, a controller. It’s time for women to uphold their emotional stories so that new stories are born and unfold.

At one time during a session Tracker was teaching a man approached me and was being quite flirtatious. Tracker immediately called him away from me. I noticed Tracker doing this at other times as if he didn’t want any other man in my space. Is this alpha wolf behavior? I really have no comprehension of the attempted manipulation and control this man puts out into his world.

I don’t have internet at my house because of Tracker. He hacked into my home computer and damaged it. Now I go to the library and coffee shop which is very unprotected. Years ago when I volunteered at his school’s office I knew that he was reading my emails as well as those going through the office. I knew intuitively without “hard evidence.” Again, at that time I liked his attention thinking it meant we were in an evolving relationship. I also knew that Tracker had been kicked out of the local school because of his inappropriate relationship with a teenage student. Tracker had to watch his steps so he spied on his own community.

This is the emotional dysfunction that was part of my introduction to wilderness survival. It is a strange story that I must tell. Black magic and dark wizards exist in sheep’s clothing. As I reconnect today with people associated with survival classes and skills I wear protective armor and swords of Truth that are held / and \. This scaffolding and bracing of X gives me my foundation in Love and Truth. I go forth as a catalyst for change within myself, in my world, in my universe.

Whew! That was a lot to release…but it came up from the depths of the depths and I will not ignore what She has to say. In fact I speak Her voice! Sacred Feminine lives on Earth through hearts, minds and bodies of human beings. I have no idea how his behavior has escalated since then...I do know my own experience and I will not be silent. I speak through intuition and logic.

I have learned from Bastyr sessions that my digestive and elimination systems are healthy. My weakness is cravings and unconscious eating patterns. I’m now going to ask for an acupuncture treatment to support my circulation system. I like working with a health team where I can be part of the decision making—where I can be a conscious participant in my own medicine and healing. That consciousness includes underground layers of subconscious and unconscious. Let the healing continue without hesitation or resistance!