Order Out of Chaos

I have a pile of books from the library which is unheard of for me. I am now devouring When Food is Love. It could be about alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, etc. The stories are heartbreaking and show clearly how childhood trauma creates compulsive and addictive patterns.

I was with a couple of women friends at lunch. I had to concentrate on the food I was eating. Often this conscious connection is missing. I was able to taste, ingest, digest, absorb, assimilate the food and not want to eat soon after. At a social event and buffet dinner last night I was not obsessing over food and enjoyed being in control. I'm seeing this has to do with boundaries....being conscious creates boundaries.

This morning I feel myself wanting to go outside the lines. I brought home some of the apple pie and it's calling to me. I will choose when to have a couple bites. It will not control me. I'm having pinto bean soup, beets and chard for breakfast. I made bran rolls and they are calling me as well. I may have to throw these things out if they get too loud. And the odd thing is I am not in a panic about doing just that. I am not as afraid right now.

It's as if I now have a sense of where grounded center is and how to manage from that place. It's connecting past, present and future. In the moment I'm aware of past patterns, the balanced choice now, and how that relates to the future picture. It's a new perspective in one whole field.