Chi As Teacher

A few days ago I spilled grains of rice all over my kitchen.  What was my body’s response?  Total stillness as I cleaned it up.  I watched this mental, emotional and physical drama unfold in astonishment.  Then a couple days later I sprayed water all over myself at my client’s kitchen sink.  What was my body’s response?  Total stillness once again—I simply was not moved.  I give credit to chi and its stabilizing effect on my nerves.  And then at other times I hear negative words play out in my head or out of my mouth.  I am wondering how these circuits are different.  How can one experience be calm and clear while others instill muddy waters?  How do my nerves play out these responsive roles?  And is it possible to be clear and calm all the time?  Is that a positive state or is it a neutral state?  A positive state is happiness…a negative state sadness.  How does the whole circle of expression play out a harmonic balance?

Experienced a couple of days of dark turmoil due to negative self-talk much of it shame based stemming from childhood and now projecting it onto my grand children.  Shame prevents me from being happy and light hearted.  During this time I watched how my thoughts were negative and yet my body happy.  One experience stands out:  An older woman walked across the street.  I look at her and mean thoughts came through.  As I drove past her I looked at her and smiled.  Is this what they call “two-faced”?  It makes no sense to me how my mind can be wired one way and my body another.  And I wonder where the negative thoughts are coming from as I never saw the woman before.  It isn’t logical and therefore I see it as unconscious.  Maybe I am channeling the collective unconscious when I am in a dark and thus vulnerable place.  Maybe I am open to dark forces ready and waiting for prey.  And maybe this is the drama playing out worldwide which makes the expression of happiness and peace critical.

For the first time I watched Once Upon a Time on TV and noticed that none of the fairy tales include an outside “avatar” character creating havoc in this world.  I will have to watch the show again to see if this is true.  And if it is true would that mean that our consciousness has expanded to include a larger universe since the time those early fairy tales were written? .....Reading this again hours later as I post it here I wonder about the unconscious and who/what is pulling the strings? My Earth Body is intelligent and will survive those who want to see Her destroyed. She survives because Her Nature is Love.

Had a conversation with a woman who is known as a “wise woman” connected with Nature.  I could not agree with many of her comments as they were not true to my experience.  So, I shared some of my personal experience and she didn’t hear me and even wanted to correct me.  It’s very sad when people have blinders on and deeply rooted in opinion.  She reminded me of religious people who are stuck in their dogma and try to convert others.  I guess if I have another conversation with her I could simply sit and smile.  But I have better things to do with my time than to babysit someone.  Yes, I said that and I own it!  That doesn’t mean that she has to agree or approve of me…it simply means that she be respectful enough and humble enough to listen and be inclusive.  I have little patience with arrogance and then I have to look at myself to see if/when I am arrogant.  The circle always comes back around to self/Self.  A lot of alignment going on….or lack of!

Yesterday was a Saturday all to myself.  I was going to be alone and then discovered that felt lonely.  So I called a friend and we walked and talked and then one of my gardeners called and was BBQ-ing at the garden so I joined them.  As I looked up into the night sky holding the big dipper and as I listened to that ground with four children making lots of noise I felt very…content.  Once again I notice a major shift in my life:  I am thriving by being with people!