So Done

I'm so done with details. Can't wait to resign from Grange Treasurer. And they want me to be Master...no way! I'm so done with organizing! I'm not enjoying it anymore. I want more still space in my life to do creative, leisure stuff. Done with filling up my life with busy-ness! UGH!

Blind Spots

I am held in a gravitational field. I hold a gravitational field. The parts and the whole spinning in space as one.

The other night I felt like the field was tilting and I was falling off. But then I understood what was happening and found solid ground again.

As I was talking with a woman in Transition Woodinville I saw something new: how I was acting out of separation. I saw a blind spot...I saw shadow! Seeing anew helps me love myself and others more. This Love is protective in its Truth like a screen that filters out impurities.

When I saw him in person he felt greasy -- his aura cloudy. When I saw his picture on FB recently I sensed the same. I'm concerned about his health as "liver" comes up. What do I do with this unfounded information? Like everything else I simply throw it out into the universal field.

Spiritual Intimacy & Moon Shadow

Historical event last week that needs to be recognized by grounding through language. It was a dialogue between sun, moon and earth—my own and with another. The result was a new vibration that I can only identify as spiritual intimacy. It felt alchemical, mystical, magical in its binding/bonding effect. Love takes on new dimension that was easy and natural in its expression.

I continue to catch moon beam shadows. They are like arcs that go under and around. Shadows have to do with unconscious negative language and I am catching them in their tracks. It’s amazing how negatively programed I am and it seems to have to do with gravity. I find myself going around and/or through this force to a higher Truth. Or perhaps there is a pathway opened for Truth to descend. One example is that my garden at home can feel like a chore. I heard the language, “See your garden as a gift of joy even if it isn’t perfect. Enjoy it. Thank it.”

I’m also seeing W/S/E arc and W/N/E arc. Gravity is in the south and Truth comes in from the North. Gravity can be transcended.

Fun to attend an event with hundreds of people and let gravity move me. I kept running into some of the same people as if the universe was saying that we needed to meet. I let gravity of the moment move me here and there as my heart, mind, body relaxed into it. A few people ran up to me in reunion in response to gravity.

Gravity is showing itself with two differest aspects: that which unifies bringing parts together and that which holds one down in negative space. More to listen and watch for: learn!

Trinity

Less unconscious and subconscious
More conscious
Creating equilibrium
And homeostasis

Whole body experience
Of Universal Love
With inner and outer
Sun and Moon

Personal threads
Weaving genuine connection
Without spells, potions, charms

Purity unfolding
Through tides, cycles, seasons

Sun = Head = Love
Moon = Heart = Truth
Earth = Hands = Life

Trinity
Transcending all spells, potions, charms

Earth and Moon

Earth Body a fireball
Of spinning e-motion

Moon tempers fire
With tides and seasons

Earth wonders:
Are you breaking my spirit?

No, you are breaking a spell
As peace fills in space

Millions of spells cast toward
And around moon
In tangled web of shadows


Personally, something lifted
I feel it in my Earh Body

Book of Shadows

Bursting through
Bubble of illusion
Breaking spell
Bound by years

Today my magical number 9 shows up at my new job and as I send letter to Circle Sanctuary in Wisconsin.

After I wrote about the moon recently I heard on the news that Earth used to have two moons and that they collided giving the moon its appearance that we see today.

At a bookstore yesterday I was looking at a Wicca journal and saw mention of the Book of Shadows. I googled that and see that it encompasses spells, potions, and charms of all sorts. What am I supposed to do with this new information and direction in my stream of consciousness/life? As always...time will tell.

I am crazed about this work that I do. I am dedicated and it does feel that time is a factor. Day by day I choose to communicate that which reveals itself to me. I want to be in synch with this flow and do its bidding. I let go of some of the other activities in my life so that I can be more balanced in stillness and action.

Seeing Shadows

Twice recently I noticed my emotional body bursting out in a way that was out of context for those around me. One time was in communication with a man; another time was in communication with a group. Both times my outbursts made me feel foolish. Now, isn’t that the face of ego personality and isn’t that a good mirror to see oneself? The choice is in the seeing. Do I adjust my emotional expression to fit the man and the group or do I change the man and the group? Do I add logic to my emotional expression? Yes, of course and I let that shape shift me, my relationships and circumstances! As I see around the arcing shadows of my emotional body I can see new choices. As I see shadows in the shadows I find new direction.

Eros Expresses

Brother of a friend flew in from Pittsburg with blue eyes and mannerisms that acutely reminded me of my previous boyfriend…both very pagan and into blacksmithing. He oozed sexuality and immediately asked me about my “significant other.” He is married and I drew lines. Later he talked with three of us about his 30 year marriage and their honest agreement to have other lovers. Together they participate in various sexual circles/communities. At one time the group wanted to know which couple could have the most orgasms. I commented it sounded like a science project and asked where the sacred was in that behavior. He was studying Tantra and I asked what chakra that was activating and suggested that Tantra was the exact opposite.

At one point I started to mention angels and he interrupted me immediately. I raised my right hand to his face and demanded, “Let me finish.” I proceeded to tell these friends about a night of hot passionate reunion with a boyfriend and that when he left an angel appeared looking like a Grecian Goddess with the name Gabrielle. I pointed out that angels enjoy earthy pleasure. Guess it’s good to interject angels in any discussion. I noticed how my body was very responsive to this man’s sexual energy. He felt so familiar…did I know him from a previous lifetime? And while my body was arcing one way my heart and mind were not on the same path. I’ve been there and done that regarding casual sex and carry much more wisdom in these elder years.

I gave him a copy of my Circle of Life booklet and he wanted to do the mapping project. I noticed how in each quadrant he drew a house though we didn’t have time to consider the meaning. In return he bought me Circle Magazine – Celebrating Nature, Spirit, and Magic suggesting that I submit an article about Circle of Life and place an ad. Perhaps this is the audience for my book.
It’s very curious how I feel past-life connection with so many people in my life. How could I have been with all these people? I’m beginning to wonder about “avatar” relationships and if we are angels for one another and then shape shift into form of dense matter? I suspect because of that spell zone that we have both dark and light avatars watching over us and pulling on us. Our direction depends on our Eye of Focus.

Three times this past weekend someone asked me about smoking pot and I am wondering if Life is suggesting that I loosen up! I find that comical as I have no interest in sex or pot as a drug of choice. My drug is food…acidic food that makes me inflamed and hot. Why are we all seeking to be hot? Why don’t we chill out and cool down? What is driving us and making us so crazed? Is Earth heating up and humans feeling the effects? Is Earth preparing to burst into new radiance of rapture for the over arcing purpose of evolution? Is our work, as conscious participants, to assist with this creative process? If so, let us generate air, earth and water as Spirit, Life and Truth? If so, let’s gather as parts and do this work in dramatic and dynamic ways so that the heat is contained within our forms and structures. We can do this sacred work. We came here individually and collectively at this time to do so! Let Us Begin…a great John Denver song!

There is an excellent article in the Circle magazine about finding the sacred withing the profane. The author was an exotic dancer when young and her experiences took her into the "divinity of Goddess consciousness." The article opened my heart and mind. A friend is in a "friends with benefits" relationship, sleeping with a second man and dating others. What is all this telling me? My Truth is that Eros came into my living consciousness (not something I read about or learned from an expert) as community. Now, community is revealing their Eros experiences! There is no room for judgement as we all are on the same sexual spectrum at different phases and stages of our lives. I wonder about balance so that humans treat one another with respect. Love creates balance as it moves on the sexual spectrum. That balance holds a center in the parts and in the whole.

R&R

A friend and I went to a favorite creek east of the mountains. We sat to meditate where we had buried a crystal years ago. I could not settle down or quiet my mind. This has been the busiest summer of my life and I was still busy in mind and body. Walking out of the forest I asked silently, “Why am I creating all this com-motion in my life?” I heard in response as if coming from the trees: “To gather the parts.” It was sweet and uplifting.

Opening the gate and walking into the organic garden at Sleeping Lady for the first time I was blasted with a rush of energy. I had to stop and hold out my hands to acknowledge the Sacred Presence.

Today I am rested. Getting out of town and being with the creeks and trees is nourishing to all parts of my Being.

Moon in Focus

Several nights ago I awoke from deep sleep and caught someone carrying me away in their arms. It was creepy, grey, misty. I awoke a second time to someone pushing me on my upper arm in a bullying way. Again creepy. I awoke a third time in that deep state of trance to reassuring lightness. I was protected. I was safe. There are dark and light forces in the depths of night and in the depths of psyche. We keep watch.

People are lethargic as if hypnotized, in a spell. We wake up and catch the goblins in their tracks for ourselves and for the whole.

Focus shifts from sun to moon. Moon with its gravitational push and pull on Earth and its emotional impact on our lives. Moon has unique revolving relationship with Earth. This has personal application in my life and I make adjustments keeping some things quiet so that spells are not woven as before.

Unbinding happens naturally as the old passes away and the new is born.


Days ago I noticed a warm connection with my previous boss at the farm. How did this happen? I did not intentionally try to change the alchemy of that relationship. In fact I had let it go in the same way I had let it begin…through open hearted emotion. Through this spontaneous language I see that open heartedness includes negative as well as positive. I invited the farm to be a sponsor of an upcoming concert and they agreed. Healing happens through us when a resilient body is aligned with a resilient heart.

Reminding me that last weekend I chose to reach out to a woman who wasn’t very kind to me initially. In fact I had complained about her to a couple of people. This time she was warm and open. It’s amazing how quickly healing can happen when a heart is open and the body is resilient in response. Can such healing occur on a larger scale? Why not?

Reminding me of another woman I saw riding her bike on the river trail. We had a fight years ago and though I’ve reached out to her several times she remains frozen –unforgiving. Hard hearted stubborness has its alchemical effects as well.


In the past 15 years I’ve related to a few men telepathically in mystical realms. These men have not been able to speak to me in this realm. It's as if there was a shield between us. What do I conclude from this? I am concluding that if I want to have a spiritually intimate/whole and holy relationship here on Earth it looks like I need to do something different—something outside of that spell zone that can freeze the flow of emotion…and disrupt Nature…as both are intertwined. What does this say about me? I think it says that I am now more of an earthling than before; that I now want to be in this body more than I want to be flying through dimensions. A definite shift for me and yes it’s true. I’m ready for a grounded and mature relationship with a man who can express emotion and logic in this realm.