Salamander & Alchemy

I had a dream about Louise Hay. We were in a room with books and then in a car conversing about a change in my book. We had good rapport and communication. Fun!

For some reason this dream is causing me to pull out the children’s stories I wrote years ago. Stories about children living on Gaia and I have maternal feelings about them. The same heart centered feeling I had when Salamander came to me in a dream and I held it and then put it in a place of protection. Salamander evolved into dragon with wings and it’s satisfying for me to write about this kundalini birth within my physical system. And it’s the same feeling I now have when I look at the Caduceus. I see its story/message clearly and wrote a page about it as a new myth.

I was with my family for a few days and away from my writing and spiritual work (being with people is spiritual but not in the same conscious way). I was feeling “flat” and negative thinking was trying to get my attention. Logic kept speaking His loving intelligence:  “Stay positive.” “Focus on Light.” My writing felt as if it lost its substance and I was accepting that it too was flat. Logic told me, again, to just keep writing.  I did and like so, so many times before the downward spiral was followed by an upward leap, and this time the leap was quantum!

“POOF” happens.  When all seems flat I write this and that and then an image calls and I include it, share it and then all the parts merge and abracadabra:  a quantum leap appears before one’s eyes (spiritual and physical)!

Caduceus is what that leap looks like. In researching the image after it called to me I learned that caduceus is associated with mercury, an elemental metal.  Perhaps this is that “rampart” substance I have been sensing in my energetic space.  I also learned that caduceus is a symbol of commerce and negotiation.  I had just posted about inner negotiation. Another association is writing.  And thus the dots are connected. My responsibility is to notice/see and intelligently bring the parts into one whole. It’s a creative and organic process that I love being part of. It gives my inner and outer life meaning and purpose.

It’s not easy to write about this magical process of “transmutation” (the word wants to speak…is this masculine Mercury getting through?).  It’s much easier to write as the process unfolds spirit through matter, letting it reveal its story as we catch it with the “net” of consciousness. I sense this as alchemy.

I was at my previous client’s home helping him with a couple of chores.  When I was outside I noticed that sweet presence rippling softly through my being.  I looked around. Is this energy coming from the giant Sequoia Tree? Or is it the large Cedars, Sequoia, Maple and others in chorus?  I love trees and trees love me!

Caduceus

A picture speaks a thousand words.  When a picture and words merge there is wisdom through evolution.

This picture is the story I write. I am hoping to give it "justice"...strange word. I am hoping my words can reflect the depth of love I have for these serpents and wings.  This image is full of meaning in my life. 

Eyes of Seeing

There is a breakthrough and we are negotiating! Compulsive Behavior has come to the table with Reasoning. Listen in on their new dialogue:

CB:  “I want ice cream: coffee lovers, hold the caramel, add roasted almonds.”

R: “You had ice cream four days ago.  Wait a couple days.”

CB: “Okay, I can do that.”

CB:  Late at night:  “I want to munch mindlessly.”

R: “Look at what you are doing. Choose a healthy snack.”

CB:  “Yes, I agree.”

What is this new language?  Where did it come from? It’s as if Compulsive Behavior started to have some “wiggle room.” What is the “force” that loosened this stuck character?

I give credit to the grid of light that increases on earth. A grid that includes super-unconscious, unconscious (underworld), sub-conscious (middle world), conscious (upper world), super conscious.  I see this as a circle with the “supers” tying all the parts together.

Compulsive Behavior and Reasoning have more ground and light in which to dialogue and this is a breakthrough in my story/our story/Gaia’s story. Gratitude!

We are the ones to spread this good news.  We are the ones to uphold true heroes and heroines rather than the thugs that media anchors gleefully report as if it was entertainment. We set a different tone within ourselves and in the world around us.

I have a new smart phone and when I text I am noticing a pattern. I vacate! I do not see the keys and thus I make a lot of spelling errors. When I focus my eyes and take the time to look and SEE (ground) I don’t make errors. This is telling me that I am not in my body and it is teaching me to do so.

My physical eyes are needed in being grounded. My spiritual eye and way of seeing can make room for my physical eyes. I think that this new “seeing” is another breakthrough.

Re-membering

I am noticing something new about my self-expression.  I have boundaries...very clear boundaries.  This clarity feels like iron and even has some sort of structure as I listen to myself communicate. I see this as masculine energy and it is such a gift in my life in that He listens, hears and respects my intuitive gut feelings. In the past I would be wishy-washy not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. Now I have new inner agreement! This newness is like a breath of fresh air with solid…searching my field for the right word…”ramparts” comes up and now I have to look up the definition.

ram·part  1.    1. A defensive wall of a castle or walled city, having a broad top with a walkway and typically a stone parapet. 2.    2. A defensive or protective barrier.

I knew that masculine energy was increasing in my inner and outer life but I never knew it would bring me two rambunctious boys to nanny.  Yesterday, I was at their house for dinner and at one point the 8-year-old asked me when I was leaving.  I said, “One hour.”  He responded, “Fifteen hours!”  I was so surprised that he expressed this emotion. These boys lack discipline and I’m going to have my hands full. The parents think I will be a good influence. I will try!

The dogs I walk were sniffing at a tree this morning so I tuned in to it as teacher Camilla is instructing us.  When I did so I got “grumpy” and a cold presence. I stood there dumbfounded! When I asked what that was about I got “grief” and “lonely.” The tree is standing alone on the side of a field that had been clear cut. It looks like I need to carry my “medicine” with me when I go on these walks so that I can make offerings of love and (this word wants to speak) “rememberances.”  Perhaps this re-membering is like soul retrieval that shamans do for humans.  I am receiving this information here/now and am grateful for this teaching coming through. This is the perfect example of the Language of the Sacred Feminine and Masculine.

I had the same “grumpy” response from some maple trees neatly planted in a line along the road. I am seeing a new side of Nature…Her grief. Camilla’s Nature Spirit Medicine Apprenticeship gives me more response-ability through direct action.  

This grief is just under the surface of consciousness and is hot and boiling. I experienced it rise up in me recently and I hear about it rising up all around the planet.  The best way to respond to this grief is to offer love and light in a way that is right for each one. One turns within and listens for direction…reminding me of Caroline Myss’ beautiful words on Davidji’s radio program today. We heal ourselves AND others…and we heal Nature.

Alpha High

Skalitude Retreat Center ~ Home of the Fairy and Human Relations Congress


After the Flute Quest I had difficulty driving home.  My head was "high" and not grounded.  Thankfully my friends assisted.  I used to think this spaceyness was due to my weaker left brain but now I am thinking it has to do with brainwaves.  So, how do I shift back into Beta after being in Alpha and even Theta? Perhaps I need a "designated" driver.

I woke up this morning (I read that sleep and meditation is Alpha brain wave) with a new chapter for my book...one I had not considered. And soon after I was feeling mom's presence. It's interesting this chapter, Circle of Life, is about my mom and how her death and funeral inspired me to tell her story using the medicine wheel which then inspired me to create an opportunity for others--especially Native Elders--to tell their stories via colorful mandalas.

I now have 30 short chapters and am eager to get some feedback as to what will work out of the smorgasbord of topics and writing styles. 

Energetic Connections

On Facebook the other morning Gregg Braden and Wayne Dyer posted, one after the other, Reid Tracy's timeline image of butterfly with words of wisdom that "hit home." The energy inspired me to email Reid  introducing myself and sending him my Caterpillar to Butterfly poem that I wrote years ago. Our energetic connections have a way of evolving actions...as I had not even thought about emailing Reid.  So, thank you Gregg and Wayne for your positive influence.

I attended Flute Quest with some friends at Saltwater State Park.  The evening concert was powerful. At one time the maple tree (I am guessing by the shape of its leaves) started to dance a whirling dervish with "green skirt" lifted high.  Later I thought s/he must have felt free and off the ground...as if in a joyous flight. And thus the power of flute music that frees matter!

I spoke with Native Indian Paul Wagner about playing flute and storytelling at I Can Do It in February.  I was planting seeds and he seemed receptive.  Now, I will try to plant those same seeds with Hay House staff in October. I continue to have this vision of white culture merging with Indian culture here in Salish Sea. It is a healing opportunity for our land and our peoples. I will continue to hold this vision.

On our Nature Spirit Medicine blog I read that Camilla had mentioned me as a "shapeshifter."  I never considered myself a shapeshifter, I thought everything else shapeshifted around me. This feedback is why it's so important for us to reflect one another via words.  I can see more of myself with the help of others eyes and voices.

Goddess Esotre

Noticing new rays of energy. Always happens after a downward motion of e-motion. Starting to feel a reconnection with community after cocoon phase. Judge ye not...what looks like disaster has silver and golden lining.

I was with my two dog buddies who were sniffing the giant horsetail patch and my head got a resonating buzz. Thinking it's new attunement.

Also during cocoon phase I felt frozen reminding me of kundalini snap so long ago.
I conclude (how masculine is that?) that cocoon phase is time to download Light Energy while matter is transmuted
Not comfortable...evolution never is.
We are warriors of heart and fear not. We are more than ego that is passing away.

Feels like Easter...enter Goddess Eostre, a Teutonic deity. She is associated with "wild woodlands, like the Fairy Queen and wood nymphs of Celtic tradition. Her priestesses become the wudu-maer, Wood Mothers or Little Wood Women."

I am always honored to speak of Goddesses who live and always will.

Spider Spirit Animal

By Elena Harris, SpiritAnimal.com

Spider spirit animal and totem meaning

The spider is a remarkable figure of feminine energy and creativity in the spirit animal kingdom. Spiders are characterized by the skilled weaving of intricate webs and patience in awaiting their prey. By affinity with the spider spirit animal, you may have qualities of high receptivity and creativity. Having the spider as a power animal or totem helps you tune into life’s ebbs and flows and ingeniously weave every step of your destiny.

---

Spinning Webs

Been finding large spiders in my sinks lately.  I gently transport them outside.

Are frazzled nerves the result of a natural creative cycle or the result of burn out.  I'm not sure but when I found myself not able to cope and crying easily I knew it wasn't PMS!  I took two days and went into my crysalis...I love solitude and sometimes have to get to a low point before I create this.  I am flying again today.

Been star watching.  Last night I slept on a friend's deck to watch the Perseid Showers but by 3 am there were too many clouds.  In the middle of the night I saw the shadow of fir tree to the North and "got" the impression to make an offering.  This, along with asking permission, is something Camilla is talking with us about in her Nature Spirit Medicine Apprenticeship Course.  The hillside I was sleeping on had been clear cut years ago for the housing develoment that was now part of my life.  I am preparing to take my "potion" of rose petals, lavendar, russian sage, cornmeal to make an offering.  Tobacco has always been to "heavy" for me to use this way.

I am dating!  Yep, three men are reaching out and I am responding.  I am enjoying the friendships and notice that I do not want any of them to get attached. One of them I met dancing and he wanted to dance with me most of the night.  So, somehow I have to tell him that I want to dance with several partners.  Another texted me at 11 pm inviting me over to his place.  I was shocked but at least I know what his interest is. Doubt I will spend much time with him.  This is definitely a new cycle for me and I feel really clear about it all.  Ahh. the webs we weave.

Mullein Does More Than Speak

Found myself on Hay House website yesterday listening to Davidji and then later Caroline Myss’ online Health session though I could only listen to half of it because the library closed. I have limited time on the computer and it’s draining after two hours.  Also on line with Jean Houston’s office and planning trip in October. And while on Hay House radio I heard voices of Michael Beckwith, Gregg Braden, Deepak and others. Hay House feels like family.

It’s after midnight and I tried to get to sleep but I had an Alice in Wonderland event.  My head felt squished in the shape of an oblong tube. I looked at it, felt it and got no information or other sensation.  I called on my white light resources because something felt stuck.

Then I went into conflict mode realizing that I am not spending time on my apprenticeship homework. I am spending more time on Hay House wanting to build those relationships. I was conflicted as to how I was going to find time to build all those relationships. I haven’t even finished listening to the world summit interviews.  Stress!

Then I started to ask myself why I was so resistant to doing the work that is my gift:  Relating to plants and Nature. Somewhere through all this processing I got it! The Mullein plant from my garden which was going to be put on an altar was still laying horizontally outside my door.  Yes, the stalks are very tube like.  I laughed and got it! So I retrieved Mullein and put it next to my bed. I still could not sleep so I reached over and touched Mullein. I had no idea its leaves were velvety! Very emotional for me because I love plants so very much.  I then put it in an upright position next to fairy, lavender and white pine scented candles. S/he was happy and sent out teeny tiny sparks of light…like fairy dust.                                  

And that’s what Mulliein had to do to get my attention….didn’t hit me over the head…squished my head!!!

I’m supposed to be doing something different.  Not be so heavy and human like but more light and fairy like and in that BE with plants and listen the way Camilla is teaching us.  I am in human busyness mode and off balance. And this new homework is….I am feeling resistant….I am to meditate with plants and meditate to be quiet?  Wow, am I ever resistant!  I like being busy and getting things done. Sitting and listening is not in my bones….yet! I’ve been receiving juicy inspiration while on the move now I have to sit and sit? This resistance is not just my own…it is larger than me.

I think the resistance has to do with brain wave/frequency. There is a shift to make and these days I am noticing what that is: stop multitasking.

My client dismissed me because he is much healthier now and didn’t feel he needed me. He doesn’t cook for himself so I took him some chili and noticed an empty fridge. If he doesn’t eat well he is going to take a nose dive.  I am going to a new job and will nanny in Seattle.  Doing less cooking and housekeeping will be a good break for my hand/arm and in the winter when the garden is tucked in my hand will get even more rest. It is now feeling like the carpul tunnel issue I had years ago. I also need to stop being at the computer as frequently.  That is difficult because I am driven to share how spirit is moving, teaching and evolving me via my blog.  Maybe I need to have a schedule….ugh! Looks like I am resisting that male energy and yet I love being organized and tidy.  So much to learn and my wings are guiding me. Definitely a learning curve on new ground.  Hallelujah!!  Deep breath.

Want to thank Jean Houston for being receptive to reading a draft of my book to determine if she would write an introduction. My book is not at all scholarly nor detailed. I have no idea how others will respond to my child-like ways of communicating and then there are parts that I think might be too abstract.

BTW angel wings are associated with throat chakra which is all about honesty and regarding her house and its many levels. Wing chakra assists us in this ego-less flight. And yet I have an ego and it likes to multitask!

There is part of my brain that is frozen. It’s the part that remembers detail and it’s very inconvenient in this linear world.  I am going to start writing notes and signs to help me remember…especially to turn off the water in my garden.  I cannot contribute to a lot of conversations because I cannot remember facts. Stress! I am seeing this and aware I need to shift energy around this.  So much is becoming visible right now.

So, I lay out my stress honestly to see what I “get to” adjust.  Another deep breath. I can do this…whatever this is because I have divine guidance/we all have divine guidance.  Oh, I just got it…it’s all these relationships that are opening that is creating this new field of insight and growth. So good for us! Energy comes in around my head….spirit world shines….yes good for spirit and matter…in unity. Now, that is a brain wave/frequency that I mentioned in my Wing chapter:  Theta.

Wings of Balance

I am writing a chapter about flying dreams and it has evolved to be about our wing chakra that is associated with throat and heart chakras. Wing chakra is playing a new role in my consciousness that has to do with brain waves.  Meditation is also assisting. I am more aware of when I am out of a frequency range that is calm and centered. Not sure why life gets stressful for me and why I hold tension especially in my right arm/hand...my right wing!  I'm more aware so that will help.

Brain Waves

I sat to meditate and my  mind would not stop chattering. I opened my eyes and looked around my home at all the green plant life. Then I looked outside and sun was radiating through a green lilac leaf. Suddenly I felt that "click" or shift at the top of my head.  I was not in a meditative brain wave. I realized that sun and leaf matter radiate "OM."  Makes me happy to know this chorus is always close when I can make that shift.

I am enjoying men's arms around me.  Men friends who hug me.  Men dancers who dance with me. This is the most natural thing to be happening in my life since it is a reflection of my inner dancers:  Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine.  I am enjoying the reds and oranges being watered down.

Had the strangest dream.  I was on a high ledge at corner making my way around. Then I was crawling through three crawl spaces with doors. All the wood was bright yellow. The dream became lucid and I vividly knew that I had taken that route many times.  It was/is a maze.  My ex-husband who is passed over due to throat cancer was climbing a ladder behind me and I saw the top of his head.  He played a supportive and comforting role.

AUMMMM

Skalitude Retreat Center, Fairy Congress community 2013

That was one powerful AUMMMM that went out over the airwaves last Wednesday on Davidji’s Hay House radio program.  It was radiant and shook the rafters I’m sure breaking chains of illusion somehow, somewhere. He talked about compassion. What is compassion? I don’t think that I’m meant to be monotone or emotionless. However, I am open to watching, listening to see if this too shall pass in the evolving cycles of my life. Yes, I have an ego and s/he takes a stand and draws lines at times for S/He. It is these lines of emotion that shape my life and allow it to unfold and evolve on the outside as well as the inside.  

Something amazing is happening in my life.  I am feeling affection and expressing it toward two male friends in my life. It’s the sweetest experience and not the red of old.  It’s as if friendship provides a “wash” for the background of relationship.

One male friend gets “edgy” when women talk about Goddess and the Divine or Sacred Feminine. He feels left out and unseen. He says that he wants to interject and say, “Here’s God!” I am taking his feedback to heart and considering changing the title of my book to The Language of S/He ~ A Mystical Journey. I do want my words and experience to support balance and unity as that is the message and outcome of my journey. Will see….