Grounding Body

I was at my son's annual auction last night. One of his board members who doesn't know me well introduced me to someone as "Kevin's sister." Did that make my ego happy or what! I admit it's not easy getting younger spiritually as the body ages physically. It's yet another opportunity to transcend ego.

I embarrassed myself at work yesterday. I was happy, energy was pouring forth, and I hugged a male colleague. I like hugging and touching peo0ple at work. No doubt it's grounding. It's not easy to contain this joy and be appropriately dull in a corporate setting. I am starting to talk to someone at work about Geneen Roth's book and work. Maybe that will help with my need to ground. There are so many details in my work and I often overlook some of them. It takes work to concentrate when it's so much easier and natural for me to be in right brain where input and output moves at the speed of light. I talk about right brain and emotional intelligence to help others understand me and to fit in. And...I work at centering in logic.

I have new inner boundaries and start to feel the need for new outer boundaries of a local community. I may start attending different churches to find a place to ground. Not sure that place exists. I've always hit ceilings within communities. However, something is pushing me from inside so I start tomorrow by attending a community gathering with Lorian and David Spangler. They will have Celtic music and dancing!

My daughter mentioned that my grandson asked when he could go back to "G-ma's house?" Perhaps more time with my g-kids will help me ground.

Relationships

My emotional body wants to express love/gratitude to Deepak...and this does include personal ego body bridging (cord) with spirit. Deepak's energetic work in the world is assisting the whole body in moving forward (cord) which means up and out of dark, old patterns. The ego body does need recognition and praise and that energy moves through ego into a higher spiritual system. New ego body doesn't claim love for oneself as if it was starving and had no boundaries...but moves it through boundary cords to include the whole. This is a new quality of thanks giving and love. It's circular and includes linear cords.

I've been hearing some rattling of chains and whispering pf haunts as they pass through my systems. Old ways are being released. I noticed anger toward men who need a mother and caretaker. Men who swallow women up because they are needy, compulsive. Men who won't be friends if they cannot be lovers. Women are not pieces of meat. I want to scream and I'm sure this anger runs deep and back into childhood. Outward anger reflects inward anger toward myself for all the times I bought into "I just want to hold you, I just want to be held." It sounds innocent enough -- who's not going to fall for that? Me! I recently told a man that I wanted something deeper: spiritual intimacy.

I notice that I have difficulty with surface conversations. Mind and mouth don't always work. It's like there is a blank tape within. I even get this way around family and it's awkward. It has to do with memory. Some sort of mis-firing going on relating to this world. I much prefer talking about deeper subjects...where I am more my true self. It's awkward not to be able to project one's truth. I continue to learn to ground in this world.

Those cords' colors and textures are still with me. I must be a cord and it's reflecting back to me. Communicating to me. Another relationship to wrap around and love.

Deepak's Global Peace Meditation

I tuned in to the "live feedback" Global Peace Meditation with Deepak Chopra and 80,000 global citizens.

When the meditation started and I closed my eyes there was an image in place ready to impress upon consciousness. That image first came through as vertical lines at core center. The shape was of an apple with North and South poles indented and a current of force present. In a split-second (maybe at the speed of light) I got that I should drum and support the current. I drummed unconsciously letting senses lead the way: lub-tub, lub-tub, lub-tub reminding me of heartbeat. I hear our local red tail hawk screech...again and again and again. Hawk stayed with the meditation and drumming for quite some time. Then something shifted and I drummed rapidly. Intensity increased. I saw animals, waters, trees and all of earth uprising as if some intense force was pulling and pushing. "A shift of gravity" comes in now. I stopped drumming just as suddenly as I started and shifted.

soon after I was travelling through center core. It had texture like a cord or valve or duct. It was very white. A white hole? I thought I heard Alan Watts say "umbilical cord" and "ah-ha" that is exactly what that open cord was like. I could feel the texture of that substance (I can still feel it) and though it's familiar I can't determine what it is. It isn't bone or flesh. It's pliable "tissue" through which liquid passes. It reminds me of the membranes in beef liver.

What a nurturing experience to be online with Deepak and receive information that flows through his heart/mind/body. Feedback loops create mirrors and one gets to see oneself reflected in another and others. This phenomenon has nothing to do with separate egos. It's about points nurturing one another through pulsations of "spirit" (word coming through now). That pulsation is rhythmic as Deepak mentioned. I think it's the dance of radiant light and its reflection and radiation and reflection. This energy must have substance through which to flow. Blood is vital.

Today in a meeting with my boss he mentioned that I was making something "sticky"...that I was giving the situation "traction". He also commented about something moving in the agency's "bloodstream." This is an example of oneness that is emerging through the unconscious body. These "miracles" are so fun to observe and take delight in. It's all about Light! Darkness also has a voice...so we listen and let that force move as well.

Sun Rays

Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Plaiedes? Yes, some relationship connections can. While others rattle like noisy chains. One can feel the difference. It has to do with the force behind the extension -- energy at the core.

Body taught me something last night. Listening to a CD about energetic boundaries I started to draw the aura and chakra chords. It's a circle with wavy arms extending all around. It's the image of sun and rays...and medicine wheel.

Speaking in public is grounding exercise. I can have too much energy or I can have the opposite. I'm working to find center and balance through inspiration and information. That is the same force coming in and going out. Input and output...negative and positive. Two opposite forces yet one current.

New clarity is informing me to disconnect from certain people. That I can have boundaries and I don't have to respond to people. It's the same way I don't have to respond to food. I can make intelligent choices and take care of my whole self. Life has new lines/boundaries and is much more quiet.

Emptying and Lifting

I let go of more and more thoughts/inner talk/old patterns/people in my life that are not resonating with my highest good. It's a quieting sensation. I feel light, empty...alone but not lonely.



From a Hay House email today. Archangel Michael has a family of humans (with wings) on this planet. It's good that we are meeting one another!


Doreen Virtue's new book The Miracles of Archangel Michael reveals the astonishing, life-changing help that Michael brings to everyone who calls on him. Experience real-life stories of peace, compassion, wisdom, courage, and confidence that Michael has to offer. Learn how to contact and work with Michael to feel safe, protected, and always loved!

Doreen explores seeing, hearing, and feeling the presence of Archangel Michael, illustrating how this celestial being connects with us through our physical senses in our everyday lives. Learn how he has guided others through difficult and confusing situations.

Michael is known as the angel who rescues, protects, and safeguards. Learn the amazing ways in which Michael provides protection to all...

• Bending the physical "laws" of gravity, time and space in order to save lives
• Assisting individuals by human heavenly intervention, by sending mortal people in answer to prayers or taking on human form himself
• Fostering his hobby of being a modern day Mr. Fix-It, engaging in repair as part of his global mission to protect us from fear
• Removing fears, phobias, and negativity by boosting confidence and courage, as well as providing real protection and safety
• Working in tandem with the Archangel of Healing, Raphael, offering an unstoppable combination of powerful healing abilities
• Answering requests from people on behalf of someone else without interjecting on any persons free will
• Granting guidance concerning careers and life purpose through his access to your Akashic records (or "Book of Life")

Doreen reminds you that you can always count on Archangel Michael's help in any situation. "The angels have told me that their chief purpose is to bring peace to Earth, one person at a time. They do so by reducing stress, anger, and fear. They've informed me that it's not the big things in life that cause debilitating stress, but the hundreds of small irritants building up to disrupt our inner peace." Michael is the embodiment of compassion, assisting everyone with whatever is needed. He simply says yes to whatever instills safety and peace.

Cancer Cure

Geneen Roth writes about food and sex in Breaking Free from Emotional Eating. The chapter is called "On Sexuality: "Men Use Sex the Way Women Use Food." She is a pointed story teller -- she gets to the point as it relates to her life in her body. What else is there to talk about, really? If the subject matter isn't grounded in one's body what a waste of breath.

The stories tell how boys used her body for their pleasure and how she used her body to please boys; and how some fathers stop relating to their daughters at puberty. And she tells stories of her workshop participants. I am reminded of breast cancer. How breasts attract boys/men; how women attract boys/men with their breasts and how women are getting their breasts injected to attrack boys/men. What does this craziness do? It cuts off the circulation of life force. It deadens cells and tissue. The real cancer cure is to love one's own body and then one can love another body. Love heals.

Emotions are the conduit between spiritual life force and one's body. It's time to clean up these waters. What was okay out of ignorance and old patterns is no longer acceptable. New awareness and new light brings new responsibility: maturity. Planet Earth also has an emotional body. Our healing is Her healing.

I was thinking about breakfast this morning in bed. Mmmm....so many choices. I smiled when I thought about yummy guacumole with tomatoes and cucumbers. I'm happy that I'm now attracted to foods that are colorful and alive. I slipped this weekend with family. Geneen writes about that and gives good examples of how to be aware and stay out of these pitfalls. I'm really grateful for this writer and others who, I notice, are my age. Our truth telling can be the cure.

Relationship Boundaries

My 4-year old grandson was not responding to me. He was distant. When I would see him he'd run the other direction. This weekend I went to his soccer game. Later, when I arrived at his house I heard his voice, "G-ma come to my room." Wow, what a difference a soccer game makes! He had a blanket and pillow spread out neatly on the floor with his babies. He introduced me to his gorilla, snake, mickey mouse, transformer, etc. I watched how he tenderly related to his babies. My grandson has been influenced by the men in our family through various sports. He's a rough and tumble boy. I'm happy, now, to see that his feminine side is also alive and well.

My grandkids spent the weekend with me. As we were hanging out at the pumpkin patch and corn maze he said matter of fact, "This is the funnest day ever." Such sweet words to hear.

My 9-year old granddaughter says, "Now, we won't be able to have our C & D talk." (her brother was with us) I asked her what "C & D" meant. "Cats and Dogs." I laugh...and told her it was, "Birds and Bees!" I'm talking to her and her mom about sexual energy. I want my granddaughter to learn about boundaries/awareness. Something I didn't have. She is growing up so fast and so much of her world is drenched in sexuality from TV and movies to music and teen magazines. How does a young girl manage these loud hormones that scream inside and out?

I'm giving my daughter the book Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth. She quit smoking this year...she also gained back the 70 pounds she lost. I'm talking with her about my breakthroughs through the grief and pain of my childhood, my children's childhoods and now my grandchildren's. I'm grateful she and my son-in-law listen.

A woman friend sent me an email with an article from a local "hip" newspaper. I was offended by it...even repulsed What is "offended" I asked? I didn't want the article's profanity and references to bodily functions into my space. I didn't want to absorb or assimilate it. I want harmony in my life. I want resonance. I wonder why she sent it to me...doesn't she know me better? I have to trust my body's response and though it's cool by many to swear and be coarse I draw the line. I have boundaries!

Dry Land

I begin to experience "boundaries" in my relationship with food. There is a time to make food choices, a time to sit down and enjoy food, and a time to stop eating. What a concept! There is a time to open and close. That closing part was not in my experience before. I didn't absorb or assimilate. (I have yet to look up that definition.) Nor did I taste or digest.

This opening and closing is true of all systems from micro to macro. In our bodies those systems are digestive, circulatory, lymphatic, respitory, elimination, endocrine, immune, muscular, reproductive, urinary, skeletal. Chakra also. Opening - closing. Rhythms synchopated. To what beat? Sol/Soul of Earth and Sky. There is order to the parts and their e-motion. I see 8 with a meeting in the middle between two feedback loops. And I begin to sense my "aura" as a mouth that opens and closes.

I heard Michael Pollan again giving a Bioneers lecture about local food. He is brilliant. Food is our next crises and we talk about it and do something about it before there is total collapse.

I am like a new person now that I've been eating in balance for two weeks. My nerves are much more stable and steady. I now realize how uptight I used to be. I'm not craving sweets or carbs but include them in a wide range of foods. It's an experience of dominion in my daily life. I'm not sure how to describe it. It feels -- nourishing. Not bliss, not passion, not joy. Something new. I think it's middle Earth...whatever that means.

Children, teens, parents and grandparents need healthy boundaries. That order moves from invisible vibration to visible matter. May that order flood into individual lives and all around this home planet. Where there was darkness let there be light. Where there was hunger let there be light. Where there was pain let there be light. Light must open and close as well. Perhaps it's called radiation.

It's a gift to know how to yield and not have to know everything right now. It's a gift to trust one's Feminine nature and open up to it's rhythmic seas. To let Her float your boat in surrender. The waters can be very muddy and very clear which is the alchemical flight. Goddess never leaves you in one place for long...something is always shape shifting. Her role is guidance through an evolutionary track. Without Her nurturing nature there is confused turmoil. We ride the waves and find ourselves on new and dry land. It is good. In God/dess we trust.

Umbilical Chord

Driving to my 7:00 AM talk I realized I hadn't given this presentaion any thought. As I considered this group something moved from my heart and encompassed the group. It was like an umbilical chord. Yesterday at my desk some gear shifted and I stared into space. Today that happened again. Out of the blue something shifted and I stared into space. This time it felt like an umbilical chord connected to the sun. My light-headedness is sun related. The thought crossed my mind that I needed a chord from feet to earth so I could be grounded. What are these chords? I'm now reading Sonia Choquette's Trust Your Vibes (love her writing) and she talks about a silver chord from solar plexus. Perhaps each chakra has a chord. A chord of nourishment, sustenance. Something feeding in and out -- looping.

Right-brained people are a minority. I saw that at work today. I digest information in small bites. Most others can digest in larger doses. People are not aware of the different types of learning/digesting/assimilating information. Is this issue that I've felt since a child discrimination? I'm noticing that I don't have to apologize for being different. I'm noticing that I'm floating above that ego tug-of-war. The aura surrounding me says "It doesn't matter." That is very freeing.

Food is tasting so good today. I binged on sea-salt and vinegar potatoe chips this afternoon. Not that I had a lot...just that I gobbled them rather than eating them slowly. It seemed to help me ground...but I think that is the old message. It's not the food but the frenzied way I take in food. Compulsive is the word, I guess. However, I let it be and did not go into a tailspin. I am starting to enjoy salads with all the goodies from the CSA. I've now eaten raw kohlrabi...yummm! You can make a salad with so many textures...it's like a new experience. Yumming and humming...must be inner child language coming through. And that's my emotion tonight...last night I was teary...tomorrow night could be anything. It's a sea of mystery...these emotions.

Grounded Conduits

Received the e-newsletter from Hank Wesselman and Jill Kuykendall:

LIFE IN PARADISE ...
We have now been back on-island for roughly 18 months and we are in the (slow) process of converting our former one acre farm into terraced gardens devoted to food production. If you think one acre is small, let us share that keeping up with the weeding on this lovely piece of land in the tropics is a hero's quest, and we are gonna be able to grow a lot of food on this land.

There is a growing activist community of farmers devoted to creating agricultural sustainability on our island. We are meeting these good folks and are slowly getting to know them. Our goal is to become self-sufficient and sustainable, so that we can eat off our land, with surplus to share with our neighbors, friends and co-conspirators. Jill's "kitchen" garden has created a great space for production and learning. Several farm tours, tropical gardening classes and indigenous plant acquisitions have expanded our knowledge and dirtied our hands. Our heads and hearts love it.

They, too, have their hands in the dirt. I'm realizing that humans are conduits (feedback loops) for earth and sky. Reading about hand and foot chakras I also realize that we need this earthy connection to recycle emotion especially grief. Working with the land and Her rhythms keeps us balanced as well as moves Her wounded places/spaces. Just as there are sacred places so are there places that hold darkness -- those ghosts and skeletons. Our Earth Mother's body and our human bodies are similar.

I would love to go on a cruise to Alaska with Carolyn Myss and Wayne Dyer and go to Egypt with Hank and Jill. Not using credit cards limits my activity. How does one choose? Planning ahead is not easy when one lives in the moment. I want to go many directions. So I stay still.

Feeling light headed and unfocused at work. Difficult to think. I think about retirement and not having to rush around in the mornings and sit at a desk most of the day. I think about working half-time. And yet I am very grateful for my job and all my associates.

I'm losing my appetite and have to remind myself to drink water since it may help the light headedness. I am definitely losing that strong magnetic line with sweets. That ice cream is not loud anymore...it lost it's voice. And yet I know I can have some when I choose. I keep watch because I do know how old patterns creep back in.

I have a 7 AM talk this morning. My head feels like it's on my shoulders this morning so perhaps I will be able to think on my feet. I had this dream about being high looking down on the ground with rocks. I needed to jump down and did not hesitate. I knew how to ground!

Feed Back Looping

I forgot about creating a circle around myself when I ate breakfast. A habit is to eat while I multi-task. New pattern is to sit down and create a quiet space. I take care of myself that way. I deserve order.

I wanted ice cream tonight but I decided on the drive home that I would treat myself to the UnityFM series with Deepak's book The Third Jesus. It worked!

There's a lot of talking going on...a feedback looping...when I want to slip gears. I have to look and count the number of days that I've been doing "aware eating". But I don't seem to be in any hurry.

Drumming Bites

Dark morning mist
Crisp nippy air

Light evolves morning
with slivered moon aura
over head


I had to warm my drum before it would sound vibrant and round. Immediately turtle appears. I sit on turtle with wings. We fly through space. Turtle becomes Earth Mother with wings. Wings turn into apples then worms then soil. I stop drumming. A lot is there that wants to come through. I do this in small bites.

In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan

Author Geneen Roth is amazingly honest about her feelings. She is gutsy. Obsession with food plays out in relationships. She gets to the core of the matter. We settle for empty food and empty relationships. Feelings must be honored, listened to. They are there for a reason. And they can be unravelled and re-wired in a more healthy alignment. One does have to go through the pain and not everyone is able/willing to go there.

I continue to watch what, how, when, why, how much I eat. I continue in awareness without going into tailspins. I am integrating more logic...my very own inner male partner. I am lighter and cleaner and not afraid. It's new territory and though sometimes a part of me wants to turn back I stay centered which is movement forward.

That tingle under eye continues. It reminds me of the tingling I had at the top of my head years ago. Some part of body awakening. Body is talking to me more these days. For years I've been sleeping with a bucky pillow that fits snuggly around neck. This week I noticed how uncomfortable it was and am using a regular pillow again. My shoulder is not aching when I wake up. What an odd effect of head, neck, shoulder connection. I'm wanting to sit in front of a fire. I don't have a fireplace and I don't have family or friends who have one I can babysit. I do know a firepit in the valley. Maybe that's where I can sit and stare and be very cozy and warm. I listen to body and it has new requests. Perhaps I'll take my drum.

I am surprised to find myself listening to more talk shows on public radio than listening to music. I used to prefer to bliss out and now I seem to want to be more grounded in issues and this world. Heard Michael Pollan on NPR. He wrote In Defense of Food and an open letter to the president elect about food policy. He is brilliant! I like his idea of having a Farmer in Chief at the White House. His image of 5 acres being a vegetable garden and the president and his family weeding it regularly could be such a great role model. I am enjoying listening to talks from people with creative and wholistic ideas. It must be a new source of nourishment for this body.

Although I prefer staying warm and cozy body wants to go bike riding in the dark and cold. I will bundle up and it will be cozy. I like taking better care of mySelf.

Adrenal Love

I am now loving my adrenal glands. I am supporting the giving and receiving that they do for the body. I am supporting a part within a whole system. I am rewiring and reprogramming. I am not going to stop no matter how deep I have to dig into earth. No matter how much grief and pain I have to swim through. I am on a roll and I intend to stay in with and with it.

What will radiant adrenals tell us, show us? So much of the health "news" is about adrenal disease as is the case with all the endocrine glands. It's time to lift up a new model of health. It's time to identify those wholisitc and holy characteristics and signs. Holy is healthy...simple and pure without all the dogma and claims to the keys to heaven.

Women to Women, Changing Women's Health....Naturally

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

Your foundation rests on adrenal health

As the great balancer of more than 50 hormones in the body, the adrenal glands have a broad impact on your health and energy. The adrenals are primarily responsible for activating your stress (“fight or flight”) response, shifting energy away from restorative processes like digestion and toward the organs of action — your heart and skeletal muscles — by pumping adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream. But they also synthesize numerous other hormones, including androgens and their precursors, such as testosterone and DHEA, as well as estrogens and progesterone — which is why it becomes more important than ever to support our adrenal glands as we approach menopause, a time when our bodies come to rely more heavily upon the regulation of hormones.

First and foremost: timing your meals and snacks

One thing I often tell my patients is to never allow themselves to get too hungry. Low blood sugar by itself puts stress on your body and can tax your adrenals. You may not realize that your body is in constant need of energy — even as you sleep. And the primary adrenal hormone cortisol serves as a kind of moderator in making sure your blood sugar between meals, especially during the night, stays adequate. It does this by signaling to the liver to release its stored sugar, glycogen, when there isn’t food on board. Long periods without food make the adrenals work harder by requiring them to release more cortisol to keep your body functioning normally. So eating three nutritious meals and two to three snacks that are well-timed throughout the day is one way to balance your blood sugar and lessen the adrenal burden.

When you eat can also make a difference in preserving, supporting, and restoring your adrenals. As you can see in the graph, cortisol has a natural cycle that works with your circadian rhythm. Normally, it begins to rise around 6:00 AM and reaches its highest peak around 8:00 AM. Throughout the day cortisol gradually declines — with small upward bumps at meal times — in preparation for nighttime rest.

A strong nutrient foundation also supports the endocrine system overall. There is great synergism between the different organs of the endocrine system (including the adrenal glands), where each organ and its secretions interact with the others to upregulate and downregulate activity to keep us in balance. But as hormonal levels become deficient or excessive, the natural response of our cells is to compensate by increasing or decreasing their receptors for those molecules. To do all this optimally, they need nutritional support!

Tidal Shift

It's not enough to attend church and pray. It's not enough to meditate and do yoga. It's not enough to know the science of quantum physics. It's not enough to astral travel and meet spirit guides. It's not enough to find bliss in nature. It's not enough.

Enough begins when we excavate layers of subterranian earth of one's psyche. Enough is when we begin to face the ghosts and skeletons and loosen them, free them from their haunts. Enough is when we feel the pain as it rises into the ethers from Earth Mother's womb. Enough is when we grieve enough--cycle by cycle.

Dark and Light go hand in hand. Spirit is just another word and spirituality is just another mental concept until one gets dirty in the mud of one's unconscious. There one is linked to everyone past, present and future.
My Earth, our Earth, is aerated and purged. It's enough.

The bold lead the way. Women speaking out telling their stories and the stories of others. Horrific stories of evil using life force to feed evil. Silence is not enough. Turning one's back is not enough.

This is the time. This is the place. We've had enough. We are enough. To turn the tide.

Beyond Fight or Flight

When I was in grade school I would get on my bike and ride for miles. When I was in high school and my boyfriend and I got in a fight I would run away--wherever I was--even in the worst part of town. I still don't understand this flight pattern...oh, I just got it. Blogging is good therapy. I couldn't fight, or speak as a child. Feelings didn't have a voice.

The stories in When Food is Love are intense. Many themes ring true for me. I grieve as much for my own children as for myself. I was not there for them. I was searching for my soul and community.

Just now I called my daughters. I talked to my grandchildren. I still have a tendency to be distant. My spiritual life is very full and rich...I like solitude. And yet my children need to know their mother loves them. That I am not far away. This is very emotional territory. Does healing my wounds assist the healing of their wounds?

There is a pattern beyond fight or flight. That pattern is communicating feelings in the grounded moment through a logical filter and lens. That pattern represents maturity. Barack Obama comes to mind. He represents this new intelligent maturity. His win represents a people who are ready for change.

I radiate light and love letting that force break ground in myself . That force is intelligent and loving offering the time needed to turn things right side up. It's definitely an evolving process.

When Food Is Love by Geneen Roth

The significance of giving up the obsession with food is not a thinner body, not a smaller pants size, but giving up your protection from pain, for whe you protect yourself from pain, your protect yourself from initimacy. When you allow your pain to be visible, you can give it a voice. And when you give it a voice, you can release yourself from it.

The significance of being intimate is not in finding a body to keep you warm at night or having a companion with whom to share your life; the significance is that in being close, you are thrown back to the time when you decided that being close was too scary, so you folded in on yourself. When you go back to that time, you give yourself the opportunity to be a child again, but this time with the power of an adult. You learn that you no longer have to hide your feelings to survive. And in so doing, you claim the precious parts of yourself--your trust, your faith, your honesty--that you locked away in a place where they would not be touched by the devestation in your family.

The problem with giving up drama--with food and in relationships--is that without it we don't know what to do. We're not sure we're really alive. We have to face something we never anticipated: the possibility of peace and contentment.

~~ by Geneen Roth, When Food Is Love

Order Out of Chaos

I have a pile of books from the library which is unheard of for me. I am now devouring When Food is Love. It could be about alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, etc. The stories are heartbreaking and show clearly how childhood trauma creates compulsive and addictive patterns.

I was with a couple of women friends at lunch. I had to concentrate on the food I was eating. Often this conscious connection is missing. I was able to taste, ingest, digest, absorb, assimilate the food and not want to eat soon after. At a social event and buffet dinner last night I was not obsessing over food and enjoyed being in control. I'm seeing this has to do with boundaries....being conscious creates boundaries.

This morning I feel myself wanting to go outside the lines. I brought home some of the apple pie and it's calling to me. I will choose when to have a couple bites. It will not control me. I'm having pinto bean soup, beets and chard for breakfast. I made bran rolls and they are calling me as well. I may have to throw these things out if they get too loud. And the odd thing is I am not in a panic about doing just that. I am not as afraid right now.

It's as if I now have a sense of where grounded center is and how to manage from that place. It's connecting past, present and future. In the moment I'm aware of past patterns, the balanced choice now, and how that relates to the future picture. It's a new perspective in one whole field.

Food First and Getting a Grip by Frances Moore Lappe

I met two bright women while driving to Vancouver to train speakers. One via the book True Balance. It is a workbook about the chakras. The author is Sonia Choquette. The first chapter is totally where I'm at in my evolving awakening. It focuses on the first chakra and how this center, activated at birth, is our foundation and provides balance. "...this chakra vibrates energetically to the color red."

I noticed along the drive that when I turned off the music, stopped chewing and snapping gum, and was not obsessing about food that it was very still. Stillness has dimension and feels full, round. It also has sound. This is not empty space but full of nutrients, enzymes, etc.

I get a new glimpse of my life long food obsession and its patterns as I work with breaking old habits. I get a new sense of being "grounded" in body. Awareness increases and I watch for more than chocolate. I watch for breads, rice, crackers, potatoes. All these things are comfort foods. In my body they cause inflamation -- imbalanced red. I am now aware that raw foods contain enzymes. I prefer warm foods...casseroles and soups over raw foods. But I am working to balance and will be more aware of including raw and natural plants into my physical body. I know plants love to give love...it's their nature. I eat meat...do animals love to give love by being consumed? Perhaps that is something to look at down the road of health. Right now it is not a pressing issue for me.

It's time to talk more about the power of emotion in our medical fields. It's not about positive or negative emotion that we can identify on the surface. It's about unconscious coping patterns that are false substitutes for love. It's time to grow up by releasing patterns from childhood and adolescence. Perhaps that new growth cycle begins at the first chakra.

I love being alone listening in my own energetic womb/aura/field. I love being with people and there is still an aspect of listening within as it relates to those outside my womb. There are feedback loops in both these situations. Feedback loops connect at center. This center is a place of grounding and wholeness. It starts within and radiates outward. There is a lot of work to do individually and collectively.

I heard a woman speaking on the radio. She was talking about an expanded energy system. She talked about how: there are no parts in a democracy -- only participants; eating chocolate and giving to others releases the same chemicals in body; Germany is doing groundbreaking work with renewable energy; economics of democracy; a living democracy based on ecological values; democracy is c0-created by us moment by moment; we are birthing a living democracy which is not centalized sameness (McDonalds for example); justsixdollars.org; we need to be bold at our backbone; she is learning about bold humility via her story. I kept wondering who is this woman? Frances Moore Lappe @ small planet.org. Wow! Another heroine on this planet. There are so many shining lights creating a protective web around our Earth Mother.

Digestion, Absorbtion, Assimilation

I am intent on staying with eating awareness. Yesterday I was heading toward the baked goods when I steered myself to minestrone soup instead. And with it dense bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar with herbs-- so yummy! My office buddy eats chocolate several times a day. He offered me some and I had a couple of bites and ate it very slowly. I usually gobble it down -- probably out of guilt -- or maybe it's from being in an unconscious state. I enjoyed it. I had a healthy dinner with no cravings for sweets. I am counting the days...my goal is day to day...until 21 days and then I celebrate my first victory.

A woman and I were talking about diabetes and sugar cravings. She was abused as a child. I told her about the books from Sonia Choquette and she asked if I would share what I learn.

I am enjoying being in my body differently and staying there. I like the clear connection with stomach..my middle earth.

We've checked in with the appropriate departments at work and I'm now booking our celebrity speaker. This is a great opportunity since service organizations are limited in number. I began to contact folks from all the business cards I've collected. Word of mouth, people to people, is a good way to begin this new phase of development in the speaker's bureau.

Under the Surface

I called phone companies about the phone harrassment that started some weeks back. They told me to do a trace. I did a trace and was told to call 911. I called 911 and ended up doing a report with the Sheriff's department. That would be the second report I've made. The other having to do with my door being tampered with. The phone vibes are similar to Tracker vibes. Why do men harrass women? For attention? For a sense of power?

After an agency fair at Microsoft on the 28th floor a man in the elevator offered to carry my heavy bin to the car. I wondered if this act of kindness cancelled out the acts of harassment. The answer that came through was, "They're not even in the same ball park." I have no idea what that means....it's simply what came through my emotional/mental wheels to the surface of consciousness. The man in the elevator commented about good karma. And that's the final judgement...from a universal system of justice. Knowing this gives one a sense of peace and comfort.

I heard on the news that someone with lung cancer had not smoked cigarettes. There was surprise at this. Why don't people consider emotions as a factor in health? Why is this feminine realm of feeling so hidden and ignored. Time to wake up to the power of emotion and take a look within at one's own waters underneath the surface.

Catalysts

Received an email announcing that Dr. Steven Farmer will be speaking at the Orange County Chapter of the Mind~Body~Spirit Business Network. I find it significant that those who drum creating bridges to other realms are also beating a drum in this world of the business community. Way to go, Steven!

Feedback loops and gears were humming today at my job! Outreach creates engagement and engagement creates response and response takes on varied shapes and forms. Sounds like a crystal community. That creativity is fun to witness and receive. In my previous job I supported programs at the local level through volunteerism, inkind donations and donor support. I connected the dots creating relationships in support of the parts. My new role proves to be the same. I serve as a link providing information and inspiration that goes out into the communities via a Speaker's Bureau. I manage the response that comes back in by sharing it with others who know how to assimilate it into the larger system. And I get to train others around the state to do this as well.

A crystal community is whole system design where all parts are included and humming happily. Can this new system being birthed make it through an economic crisis? Since the success depends on grassroots interraction I say "yes!" Grassroots values are those of giving and receiving...not taking and keeping. Grassroots values and the people carrying those values are changing the face of America community by community, city by city and state by state. It's creativity and intelligence -- a new force -- on the rise, on the move.

Body wanted sweets today. What part of body I ask? I think it's mouth and not stomach. Mouth of infancy. It's as if there's a chemical troll under some bridge saying, "Where are the sweets?" I did enjoy some sweets today...with awareness...by choice. After dinner mustard was a strange substitute for sweets but that, too, is what body wanted. There are so many other tastes to enjoy besides sweet. Had a wonderful Indian lunch...and was aware not to overeat. Those buffets are divine! I am not in that frenzied vortex being pulled in many directions and am writing to keep watch. I ordered several books from the library to support me in aware eating. My logic is hungry...and kicking into gear! Logic will assist my emotion in aware eating. Fear is a factor...fear of being hungry. I remember the age regression I did and living during the potatoe famine in Ireland. Whether that was my own life or if it was tuning in to the collective consciousness is not the point. The point seems to be that we are all in this ocean of emotion together. My task is to sort out my own crossed currents so that I can be more vibrant and radiant...and have a positive experience which in turn effects others all around me.

Catalyst definition:

A substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction, without being consumed or produced by the reaction. ...
www1.eere.energy.gov/biomass/student_glossary.html

A catalyst is a compound or element that can increase the rate of a chemical reaction. Catalysts can lower activation energy of a reaction to help a reaction proceed faster and with less energy.

MORE INFORMATION: Enzymes

Feedback Loops

I'm so grateful for clean running water...and hot showers. I wish everyone in the world clean running water.

After a few days of aware eating I am not craving sweets, I'm not thinking about food all the time and I'm waking up without hunger. This is a confusing place because it's not dominant territory. Staying aware is all about equilibrium. How does one sustain equilibrium? Through awareness and a coordination of all the parts of one's being. I am going to blog about it. This will be my mirror -- a place I check in and see reflections.

Another miracle! I was listening to the loaned executive from United Way as I'm coordinating our workplace campaign. He is very logical and was giving me facts. A half-hour later I was able to repeat these facts and surprised myself. Usually something in my brain and senses glaze over when relating to linear information. I think this is a pattern from childhood when all I heard was surface information and all I wanted was something deeper involving feelings. Perhaps I'm growing out of childhood. Perhaps it's never too late to change wiring and firing in brain patterns.

I was realizing that I don't know how mom's "mental breakdowns" were for her. I never asked her or talked about these dark times with her. I'm seeing in a new way that my deep depressions reflect her patterns. I know that highs and lows are part of a creative cycle. I also know creative cycles are about health and not dis-ease. So, I am welcoming some new information in a new cycle of inspiration.

I gave one of my worst talks at a Rotary club yesterday. My brain and mouth could not get coordinated. I had determined not to color outside the lines and had a script to follow. It didn't flow. And yet as I looked out into the audience I didn't feel or see any judgement. People seemed to stay with me no matter how scattered my logic was. Perhaps they were listening to something else from me. I know voice has a lot to do with engagement. Driving back to work after the talk I got that I can use circles to help me organize my talk. The outer circle representing the larger picture of our agency. I can draw lines from the circle and identify those points. The next circle represents our core services. I can draw lines and add this information. Inner circle represents questions and answers. It's a format I can use for additional training in the regions. Regions have started to engage with the Speaker's Bureau and I so love it when I get feedback from them. One region invited me back this week to offer another training. This feedback/response is setting the pace for this outreach.

Radiant Systems

The man I met at Rotary and who gave me the peace poem written in Hindi and English is a scholar and intellect. I'm enjoying talking with him and am encouraging him to connect with Alliance for a New Humanity as a Rotary International representative. Rotary is an example of a "service bank". There needs to be more support, recognition and compensation for service to others. Kiwanis, Lions, etc. are all systems radiating goodwill in the world.

Outside the food frenzy pattern I get a good look at the ruts in the road of my day. It's quite complex: what to eat, when to eat, how to eat. There are still a lot of crossed wires. I am paying more attention to how it feels in body when I am centered. That is the point of orientation from which to revolve around. Creating more space for this focal point is my focus right now.

Service Banks

Drumming moves energy. Time to let energy move at deeper and higher levels. These opposites are directly linked.

Body is intelligent and will make new choices through receptive listening. Creativity is the radiant result.

We need a market based on service not only commodities. Service from profitable companies to those who are struggling. This can be a world bank of service. The same system could be set up in each state and community. This can be a local bank of service. Those who have give to those who have not. It's a system based on love's circulatory power.

I Drum

I woke up to someone counseling me on the circles under my eyes and showing me a small white spoon with white substance. I asked for more information! I continue to resist feeling clean, pure, and light in my physical body. A couple of weeks ago I went back into childhood remembering my love for Aida, a german woman who took care of us kids when mom went into the hospital for one of her "mental breakdowns." This brings up a huge wave of grief right now as I write. As a child I never grieved this emotional loss. I have not fully grieved it as an adult.

Last night after a day of clean eating and then a sharp turn the other direction I sensed myself as a baby at my mom's breast. The nursing at mouth was also a nursing at base/root chakra. One stimulated the other as if there were two mouths. I conclude that I lacked spiritual/emotional nourishment at critical stages of early development. At the funeral this week I noticed how many classmates were or are addicted to one thing or another. It takes a toll on the body. Would it be fair to say that all parents were and are undernourished spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically? That we live in a global environment that is mal-nourished?

I do have tools that can help me change compulsive eating patterns but I forget them and kick into auto pilot. My body can no longer handle the abuse. It's as if I don't yet have a whole and holy relationship with my body. Body has been separate. Today I sense a parenting (mothering and fathering) of this body child.

Food effects our emotions and our body causing depression and disease. There was something missing in my mom's milk because of her deep depression. There was something missing in the food she prepared. I need to -- change that to I will -- create this generative substance for myself around my actions. It's substance of consciousness. I need to -- change that to I will -- stop unconscious patterns and do somthing new. All physical portals require purification. It's scary to let go of the ground I've known. But let go I must.

How to be clean and high and grounded at the same time? That is new territory I want to explore. What foods support this state? What words and actions?

The cross currents have a lot to do with mom's depression. I'm seeing this for the first time. I'm seeing some of my patterns as her patterns. I can erase them -- cancel them out -- (there is some sort of attachment that is so resistant....ancestral?).

I am told to drum. I drum for myself, for mom, for my children, for our Earth Mother with Her mal-nourished systems.

Death, Resurrection and a New Church

Went to a funeral today. The quarterback of our high school football team passed away due to cancer. It was like a class reunion. They had a catholic ceremony and a celebration of his life. He always wore a big smile.

The religious service began by telling us we were sinners and then went into Jesus' death and resurrection and how that resurrection was at the heart of their teaching. There were times when the congregation responded to the Father with, "Hear our prayer." Twice when the adults had completed the three words a little girl's voice could be heard with a late, "Hear our prayer." It was a delightful sound that tickled me.

Jesus was hanging from the cross at the front of the church. And he was hanging on the cross of the scepter that was carried up the aisle. With mind's eye I cut Jesus down off that cross! Why would anyone create this image of Jesus and imprint it in people's minds? How distorted! How twisted! Would Jesus want to be remembered nailed to a cross? How dreary.

I saw a new church during that memorial service. It's a circular body/church that knows a different meaning for death and resurrection. Spinning ceiling fans and large round lights in the room supported the image and thoughts.

Death and resurrection are part of the creative process and comes around again and again. Like our seasons. Like our planets. Like our blood cells. Pagans know this church because they live close to earth and Her cycles. People of Light know this church because they live the life of Light and Dark cycles moving again and again.

East is a place of birth, sunrise, spring. South a place of adolescence, high noon, summer. West a place of adulthood, sunset, autumn. North a place of elder, night, winter. And then....comes Shadow. A space inside-out, outside in, downside up, upside down full of cross currents. It's located NE and is where toxic demons live. NE is the dark before the dawn of enlightenment in one moment of one creative cycle. There are cycles within cycles; wheels within wheels. Maybe NE is that red color I've been seeing on shiny black round image. Maybe it's Hell fire. Part of the alchemical journey.

Sol/Soul shines from center point emitting through layers to surface. What happens on the surface to create the shine?

Security

We witness the dysfunction of ego-systems. Can we implement ec0-systems at every level? Systems that balance because the parts emit light as well as shadow. Ego shadow alone does not create. Light creates and sustains with and through shadow. Shadow is evil without Light. Shadow is evol with Light.

Like many others I don't have job security. I look around my world full circle --what and where are the opportunities? I welcome change and inner growth.

Miracles do happen...my boss and I continue to move in a good groove. We had a major shift after one intense meeting where I spoke out in disagreement about a couple of things he was proposing. The next day I softened on one issue and said so openly. The dynamics shifted the relationship.

For the first time in my life I'm experiencing age discrimination. Some young people are not aware of things they say. Some young people are not respectful of those who are older. This is a symptom of ego-system values. Eco-system values all the parts from all angles.

The market is crashing -- so, common sense says we need a new market! We are being called to claim new values. We are called into new creativity.

Eco-Economy

Why do the presidential candidates refer to the "middle class" and the "workers" and not the poor? Are they not excluding a critical segment of our national community -- the American family?

In a whole system the upper class would give to the middle class and the middle class would give to the poor (a new definition of forgive-ness which is an extension of internal wealth).

It's a system of unified circuitry where the parts are plugged in and care about the whole not because that's good or right but because it's their Nature. It's a natural self-organizing system that is healthy and sustainable.

The higher or upper class reaches out and embraces the lower and the lower....does what? It thrives and does what it can to contribute which may look totally different from the upper class. But the common denominator for each individual part, each individual citizen, holds dignity.

Sun Shine

Sun shined again today. Whew! That was one intense cycle. Is it over yet? I noticed today that as toxins (negative energy via feeling/thought) rose up there was another overarcing force that kept the toxins "capped". It was like an E/N/W and W/S/E connection.

The Pointed Moment

I was driving to the political meeting about Hanford clean-up when body says it doesn't want to go. Okay. This living in the moment is not very convenient. How can one plan anything? One keeps the planning at a minimum.

This swirling pool of cross currents is full of toxins. I'm witnessing them from within. I do the "should" and "should not" routine based on my experience of love and enlightenment. These toxins that seem to be coming through nerves via unconscious are not loving. They are, however, enlightening. I am learning from them. Like relationships they are teacher. Is Shadow teacher to Light...and Light teacher to Shadow?

People don't share my values and are not drawn to me the same way I don't share others' values. This does seem natural and how we create tribes and villages. And yet there must be a place where we are more accepting of differences...more respectful. How would this look and feel? I'm in the pointed moment seeking the answer.

I think the way to let the shadow thin out and not be so dominant is simply to observe and be aware. I don't intend them away with force of judgement and criticism (that applies to others as well -- I hear that). Perhaps I give others as much forgiveness as I give myself. We are in Shadow together just as we are in Light. The toxic pool that causes reaction will be purified. I don't think that means that we will all ascend...maybe this is my hope. Yes, I want to purify earth so that we can live here in rainbow colors with the colors and smells of Nature. Shadow is part of this realm.

Someone keeps calling my home and hanging up. I answered last night and the vibe at the other end is that creepy vibe I'm familiar with. What is "creepy"? It's an aspect of shadow.

I'm wrapping around the pointed moment. It's not always pleasant especially when in the toxic pool. However, it's part of the journey and there is no choice. I let it thin. I keep moving. Language with its communication of feelings and logic gets the job done.

What's Next?

One talked about casual sex and how boring it was to walk the lake because she'd done it so many times. The other talked about her botox. When I told them about the man associated with work who is interested in sex they told me I should be flattered. I am not flattered nor can I relate to their ways of being in the world. Is this judgment or discernment? I did genuinely hug both of them and comment that beauty is inside out.

I was sitting in a meeting with two men and felt sexual vibes. I wondered where they were coming from. In a recent meeting with one of them I was asked what I was doing the rest of the day. I thought that was odd. Getting into our cars I glanced his way and noticed his glance in return. It was then I connected the dots. I was a bit shocked...I am so naive in this world. He emailed saying it was refreshing to talk and that we should do it more often. That is not going to happen!

I think about the shiny black image with red on the right that is still in the forefront of some level of vision. This shiny surfaced black is not the same dull black glob of toxins I saw months -- is it years now? -- ago. Maybe one has to do with judgement and the other discernment and their different angle of light.

The day after the final peace concert I experienced post-partum depression. I called friends and told them. One of them invited me over to meet her new kitten. My native american friend understood and reflected some of his own experience around events with a lot of people and activity. Some sort of vortex has been moving ever since. Very disorienting. I have no doubt it has to do with the vibratory connection that played out and deepened during this creative process. Now a new shift is in play.

I sent my book introduction to a couple of women for feedback. I'm seeing that it may not be easy for others to understand and I considered adding more logic. How would others read this? I think I'm going to write the book for me and not an audience. I want to organize my life around the wheel and add the poetry and images that are dear to my heart and life. Perhaps I'm creating a live presentation that I would promote/market as I so love to talk and use my whole body for projecting my passion around the Sacred. And perhaps not. At the same time I'm feeling the need to be still and do nothing. Such is the swirling pool I find myself in.

Writing and grounding my story is a sign that I'm lifting up out of the waters and dry land will be found. I've been in this cycle so many times....and it's always new. Such is Her/His Nature. One has to go with the emotions and the disorientation that is an aspect of the alchemical journey.

Tonight I may attend a political meeting with a candidate whom I met at one of the concerts. I'm testing the waters to see what's next.

Pulling Ship

Dream:
A few of us are being pulled upright on water by a large ship. It's much like water-skiing without the skis. I feel the effect of pulling force in body. A chord/line connects us to the ship. The ship stops and we are in the water.

Dream shift:
Lost in unfamiliar territory. A guy friend who helps me in this "real-time" realm shows up and helps me in the dream. We walk icy roads that go uphill.

This friend is as disoriented as I am here on Earth. We both have very simple minds and ways and at the same time we connect at deeper soul level. I had dinner with two women friends and realize I have little in common with them. I'm not sure how much time I want to spend talking about things I don't value. I continue to draw lines that define my values. My life is a reflection of my values. I make changes as I go.

Cutting people out of my life is not natural for someone who at one time wanted to be liked by everyone. It seems so unloving. Maybe love is not one large melting pot. Maybe love has differentiated colors and tones and people are pulled together -- or not -- by these energetics.

It's good to make conscious choices..which are not always black and white...which are not static but ever changing. It's action in the moment behind and with that pulling "ship".

Pollination

He wanted to meet today...had something to tell me. Looks like there's some negative ripples from one of my talks as relayed to him by his partner in that club. People said I was angry. Interesting that my passion got through that way. And in the same club is a woman who wanted to meet and connect. She appreciated my message and delivery. Seems I create opposite responses. I will work to balance my talk and not be so emotional. I need a different platform to really shout out the way body/mind/heart wants to. And even then...what ripples would that create? As usual I'm not quite sure how to fit in and at the same time be true to myself.

My garden responds. Gave me beans, potatoes and mature ears of corn....for the first time! I make another batch of spaghetti sauce from my abundant tomato crop. And at the same time cucumbers and squash did not produce fruit in spite of the greenery and blossom. Is it lack of pollination? How does this process apply to the garden of my talks? What is pollination? What role do bees play?

At the CSA last Friday I was alone picking rainbow chard. In a moment of spontaneity (inside out flow) I asked the chard about grounding and being centered. The plant(s) responded! Told me to think of them/see them in their pink, red, yellow and green veined leaves rising up out of earth. This image and that support came to mind several times since that moment last Friday..

Time to dip my tomatoes into the hot water bath...transform them with onion, garlic and basil.

A Significant Moment

That gentleman who shared his peace poem with me also commented about "spirituality" because I...outside the lines...used this word in my talk. He said that he wasn't religious or spiritual. I told him his poem was very spiritual and that this path is inside out. He showed signs of reflecting on this, absorbing, and adjusted his perspective a bit with, "Oh, maybe you're right." He and I ended up on the city sidewalk together discussing pancake batter. Life deals out an amazing assortment of cards requiring flexibility from a solid core. I don't always feel solid...shakey ground is there for a reason. Time to grow/evolve again.

Infrared Radiation & Blackbody

From intentBlog:

Patty #7:

Thanks for your Qi reference. Fascinating healing waves! Recently I was searching for the definitions of radiant and reflected energy and ended up reading about a desert lizard and infrared.

Here are answers.com definitions that need to be read with right brain as well as left.

Infrared radiation
Electromagnetic radiation in which wavelengths lie in the range from about 1 micrometer to 1 millimeter. This radiation therefore has wavelengths just a little longer than those of visible light and cannot be seen with the unaided eye. The radiation was discovered in 1800 by William Herschel.

An infrared source can be described by the spectral distribution of power emitted by an ideal body (a blackbody curve). This distribution is characteristic of the temperature of the body. A real body is related to it by a radiation efficiency factor or emissivity which is the ratio at every wavelength of the emission of a real body to that of a blackbody under identical conditions. See also Emissivity.

Blackbody
An ideal energy radiator, which at any specified temperature emits in each part of the electromagnetic spectrum the maximum energy obtainable per unit time from any radiator due to its temperature alone. A blackbody also absorbs all the energy which falls upon it. The radiation properties of real radiators are limited by two extreme cases—a radiator which reflects all incident radiation, and a radiator which absorbs all incident radiation. Neither case is completely realized in nature. Carbon and soot are examples of radiators which, for practical purposes, absorb all radiation. Both appear black to the eye at room temperature, hence the name blackbody. Often a blackbody is also referred to as a total absorber. See also Heat radiation.

How do these energetics relate to our current events? Is the earth heating up because more humans are radiant radiators? Are systems crashing because more light is filtering through and what once fit no longer does so? Are we evolving in Qi as we watch an empire collapse?

Trish~~

Crystal Ballroom Talk

My presentation was held on the 3rd floor in the East room. Seemed to reflect the earlier experience about solar plexus and East. The meeting began with someone at the podium reciting a quote by Nelson Mandella about children. Then a guitar player led us all in singing Crosby, Stills and Nash's Teach Your Children. Being greeted this way was very welcoming and I told them so.

I let my feelings lead me in this talk. I was totally spontaneous and went way outside the lines. Yes, I colored outside the lines! I talked about brain development in children and left and right brain, peace, whole system design, etc. I did generate heart response. However, when I was asked about statistics I didn't have the answers. Heart dominated and I left logic out. I stressed about this lack of information and how it had an effect on some in the audience.

I have to learn to stay more within lines and add a "cheat sheet" with stats so I can answer the logical questions. This balancing is going against my grain...which is a red flag for me. Why? Is it time to grow? Am I resisting? I much prefer coloring outside the lines and going with the flow. However, if I am to represent an agency I have to learn balance of emotion and logic.

I was encouraged by Arsenio's email this morning from the Alliance for A New Humanity about the First European Human Forum's Corporate Dialogue Conference. At the top of the event description is the statement:

"You can inform about what you know, but you can only transmit what you are." This comes through to me as support. Something I seem to need after that talk.

Several people did approach me after the talk thanking me and engaging in conversation. One gentleman asked if I had spent any time in India. He spends a lot of time there and this club is taking young business people to India for a month-long Group Study Exchange. On the back of the paper with Teach Your Children lyrics he had written his poem in Hindi and then translated it in English. This is the poem he handed to me:

For Peace
In this time of war

In this time of war
It is not too much
to hope for peace.

It is not too much
to wish for peace.

It is not too much
to pray for peace.

It is not too much
to work for peace.

It's interesting that with all the positive energy at this talk that I was weighed down by the negative. I stirred something up but I'm not sure what that is or what that means.

Concert Highlights

The wheels are always turning direction, mood and action. I've been thinking about the following but didn't have energy to write and ground them. For reasons unknown to me I have energy today. This is where conscious "intention" doesn't reign. This is where and how the Sacred Feminine radiates in my world. She is behind my expression. She is my foundation.

Some highlights from the peace concert. "Highlight" doesn't always mean the positive and glowing. Sometimes "highlight" means awkward moments:

• Being told that I had to learn a song "now" to lead the peace dove parade and a Dance of Universal Peace. I froze up at this demand. I am not wired to reiterate words on demand. I never did learn the lyrics. Everyone has their own space and style. This experience reminds me to watch if I am demanding of others. It also reminds me of a partner who told me I could memorize something if I tried. Yeah, just like he could have visions if he tried. Am I sensitive about this? Yes. Good to know that about myself.
• I had to learn the "dance steps" of handing a person their raffle ticket and putting the other half into a basket. All the while talking. I lacked coordination between head, mouth, and hands. I had to find a rhythm to this and said so out loud which helped.
• Drumming and leading the dove parade was also awkward. Is it lack of experience? Is it lack of head, body, hand coordination? What does it take to get into a "groove - a rhythm?"

All this attention to awkwardness might seem self-absorbing. For me it's about being conscious of body and becoming more aware of oneself.